You know the scariest thing to me ever is the future. Everyone seems to have their phobia of spiders or snakes, or getting robbed, but for me, it’s the future. Not knowing what’s going to happen is just for some reason a scary thought for me.

You see I always like to predict what I am going to be doing, where I am going, and who I am going to be in the future. And most of my life I have been able to successfully do that because there really haven’t been any huge changes in my life. It was easy knowing that. I would go into high school, get my AA degree, play varsity soccer, work at Publix, and have fun for all four years before college. I saw this when I was 14 in 8th grade and I can successfully say that it was pretty much exactly what I pictured.

But these past couple of months applying to college I realized I was in for a rude awakening: I don’t know where I will be in a year. And that kinda freaked me out. You see originally the plan was just to go to UNF like my cousin Matthew did and pretty much do the same thing he did and get my degree in finance (yeah I know real original Luke 🙄). I was super convinced that I was going to do this but you know what’s funny is I had already done this with like 3 other schools. First, it was FGCU because my Grandma lived in Fort Myers at the time and I thought I had a chance of playing soccer for them. Then it was Ave Maria after going to their summer program but that eventually wore off. After that, I liked Florida Southern because of their close community but honestly thought that they didn’t have the resources that I needed to push myself (not trying to knock them down or anything, it’s still a good school). And then it was UNF. 

I only toured small to medium schools ever because my mom enjoyed the small schools that she went to. I knew FSU and UF existed but I never entertained them not because I wasn’t smart enough but because I just figured that they were just such big schools that I wouldn’t fit in. That was until I talked to my girlfriend’s parents about UF because they both went there. It intrigued me and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to look. Yeah and long story short I pretty much fell in love with UF after that. I was lucky enough to go to the Tennessee vs UF game at the Swamp and that was crazy. The atmosphere and the passion of the fans were so awesome that I just knew this was exactly where I wanted to be (They also have one of the best business programs in the country so there’s that too). I don’t even like football, but now I love the Gators. Funny how life works.

After that game, it was over. I have only wanted to go to UF. I knew I would be ok at UNF, but I believe that I could thrive at UF. Anyway, I submitted everything to UF, but their wait time is so long it low-key kills me to have to wait this long in the unknown. Feels like I’m in the middle of a frickin bridge over a huge black hole and the bridge feels like it’s falling apart. I have to choose to go to one side or the other and I can’t take back my decision. Obviously, in reality, the bridge is stable and only a foot off the ground but the mind does crazy things to you. 

My anxiety over the past few weeks has been pretty bad at times and I just get random freakouts in my brain. Usually scaring the crap out of me, with questions like:

• What happens if you don’t get in? does that make you a failure?
• Where the heck am I going to be in a year?

It’s pretty scary (for me at least). It also really sucks because there is nothing I can do about it at this time. All I can do is patiently wait and wait, and wait some more. But you know what the crazy thing is? I feel like this period of waiting in the abyss of the unknown has taught me a lot. I have had to force myself to live with the fact that I don’t know where I am going to be in a year and that’s perfectly fine. In life, there will be many moments when I will be in the same situation and I am just going to have to find peace within myself.

I know I’m not alone either. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life, I’m just more prone. It’s something I am working on, but writing it out helps me come to terms with it better. At the end of the day, God’s got a plan for me and I will be happy as long as I follow. Sometimes when I get those moments of extreme fear and anxiety about the future, I have to repeat that over and over in my head, and “I will be ok” so many times I can’t even count. I’m sure there will be many more moments like this until February 23rd when the results come out, but I know I’ll be ok. No matter what I will be able to chase success as long as I put my mind to it, and now I will forever be a gator. 🐊